Wednesday, May 8, 2013

02 - Homecoming

Hey guys... No long post tonight. Forgive the lack of detailed information; there's lots to tell, but I'm just a bit too tired after all the final tests at the hospital, removal of all my remaining medical attachments (save the port surgically implanted in my chest for my future five treatments), and the return trip home to my parents' place.

Just had dinner, pizza and chocolate milk. I stared into a mirror for three solid minutes to work up the courage to stab myself in the stomach with a needle for the first time ever. I felt the bare stirrings of creeping nausea, got my first case of very mild, but constant shakes of the muscles which continues even now. I believe I am on the cusp of my first descent into the darkness of the treatment's ravages... I only wonder how bad it will get, and how long until I start feeling better again for a short while.

I am full of questions, but I am home. I have only the scant formings of a plan, but my mind is calm like still water. I wait. I watch.

I'll write about these things in more detail tomorrow, once I'm not posting from my phone and get my laptop set up again. Maybe I'll jump back and tell the story from the very beginning, from when I started to notice something serious may be wrong with me. I don't know. *smiles* What would you guys like to hear about? Let me know in the comments.

Have a good night, all. See you all tomorrow!

14 comments:

  1. Anything and everything - whatever you want to share and have the physical strength to write. Be gentle with yourself. <3 Kristen

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    1. Worry not, Tiny Dancer. I won't be overstepping myself this early in the episode. Too much left to observe, to learn.

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  2. the beginning...everything...you write, I read.

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    1. *chuckles* A writer's dream, those words are. Thank you for sharing your light with me, Aunt Vicki...

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  3. Sweetheart, just try not to over do it, okay? (Sorry...I'm in "Mom mode").

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    1. You need never apologize for offering care and concern to me, Theresa; I'd have to be far more callous a fool than I am to ever twist so gentle a gift into a thing to complain about. *smiles gently* Thank you for walking with me here...

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  4. Following you every step of the way. You write, I'll read. xoxo

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    1. Your presence brings me comfort, Nicole. I am truly humbled by the care and light I've found so freely offered already. Thank you...

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  5. I have no personal preferences when it comes to your writing about your journey; it's all meaningful. My only hope is that you remember, even when you are feeling sick/tired/alone, that you have our love and admiration at all times. That even when you feel like you're wading through the darkest of the dark, you'll let us bring in some light through visits, words, and thoughts. As others have said above, 'you write, i'll read'. ~Lisa

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    1. I didn't start this writing to gather such support, to be honest... I was just expressing at first. I had no idea I'd be getting a hundred responses daily. The outpouring has taught me much, and warms me every single time a notification, comment, and message comes in. I am now beyond certain that it will lift me when I stumble, and carry me through the darker times. I could stand tall on my own at first, gazing down a long road... but I can nearly fly knowing what I know now, about how alone I *won't* be along it. Thank you for that gift, Lisa.

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  6. When you're ready to bring your story to a greater audience, for you never know whom you may teach or assist along your journey, let me know... People can always use profiles in courage woven throughout their daily lives.

    You, through your journey, will be a provider of many gifts to those who, so desperately need them in these days of dark trials and tribulations. One such gift you have already shown them: courage in the face of adversity. Another will be how to bravely forge ahead despite any fear.

    I hope you know how the path ahead of you will help many, because you have and are sharing it. That in and of itself is very courageous. Not many presented with this chance take hold of or run with it. You are going to surprise many people who never thought such could happen.

    I hope that will provide you some comfort and smiles, if a day should arise when you're not feeling up to par, but if not, we'll all be here to step up and help you. xoxoxo <3

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    1. Miss Gina, I would gladly accept any sharing of my writings or stories anytime. I have no frame of reference to determine how much or little my personal experiences may help another person, but if there's the chance of doing any good at all I'm all on board for that.

      I really appreciate the care and attention you took to help me see that my words may be able to provide the potential for catharsis beyond simply myself and my immediate affected loved ones. Thank you for walking the road with me...

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  7. You write anything you care to share and I'll follow on the path with you.

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    1. My thanks, miss Marsha. It is good to walk with you here.

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